There are times in a person's life when they are given the opportunity to reflect on their lives. Some of those times are moments of circumstance such as a crisis of health or finances. Then there are moments of arbitrary dates on the calendar. Those moments such as New Year's Day, your anniversary, and of course, the birthday. My birthday is just a few weeks away and it just so happens to be the day before Lent begins on Ash Wednesday. I've already been thinking about Lent. Last year I attempted to read a book of the Bible everyday for Lent (and failed). So I've been considering what I might do this year. Then, with the realization of my birthday being around the same time, it has me truly in one of those reflective moods.
Reflection allows us a time to experience the joy of good moments such as your wedding day or the day you met your adopted child. However, reflection can also bring the disappointment of moments missed and dreams forgotten. Reflection, if you will allow it, can also cause one to make resolutions. Now I'm not talking about those New Year's resolutions that you know even as you make it you have no intention of keeping. I'm talking about resolutions that say, "As I reflect on my life now, here is what I'd like to resolve to change, to focus on, to have my life be about."
Of course, there is no guarantee that such reflection with resolution will actually result in any change. Then again, making no decision to change and taking no action will most assuredly result in failure. I think it needs to be made clear here that I'm not simply looking at getting in a little more exercise or eating better. I'm looking at fundamental change. The kind of change that only comes when one fully submits to God. The kind of change from being merely a "good" person to being completely devoted to the Lord.
The question is, what will that look like? In some manner that will look the same for everyone in that the fruit of the Spirit is always the fruit of the Spirit. In another manner being totally devoted to the Lord will look different for everyone. Obviously total devotion to the Lord will be lived out differently for a 78 year old woman in an assisted living facility versus a 20 year old college student living in a dorm. So for me, a nearly 38 year old man, living in a home with a wife and 5 kids, what will complete devotion and obedience to the Lord look like? This is the question I've been reflecting on lately.
I also realize that in considering such questions I'm obviously looking at practical results. For example devotion to Christ will lead to a greater amount of time studying His Word. However, I'm not merely looking for a list of accomplishments. It is true enough that such outward changes would take place if one is committed to following Christ. Nevertheless, what I'm most interested in is not so much the doing of "christian" things as I am interested in being and in having the character of Christ. To do this I believe that I'll need to learn more of what it is to simply abide in Christ. Interestingly though I believe that to more fully abide in Christ I'll have to more fully invest myself in the disciplines of the faith such as meditating on God's Word, prayer, solitude, worship, service, etc. In some ways this may seem to be counterintuitive. On one hand, I'm trying to simply be in Christ but on the other hand I have to do the things which place me in the center of where Christ is. It may also seem that I'm trying to dwell in the very center of God's grace by forcing myself into His grace by performing certain actions. What we have to understand is that grace is not opposed to effort, it is opposed to earning (thank you Dallas Willard for this knowledge). For example, I can decide that it would be beneficial to read more Scripture in order to abide more in Christ and to experience more of His grace. Even so, the very act of spending more time in Scripture does not earn me more grace. His grace to me is still His gift. Furthermore, it takes God's grace acting through us to even allow us to have the desire to be with Christ as well as to have the ability to act in obedience to doing those things which Scripture instructs us to do. This in turn help us to be in the place where God's grace can be most effective in us.
In short, as I sit here these past few days in this reflective mood I am reflecting on my life as a follower of Christ. In many ways I've been a pretty "good" Christian. In so many ways I know that I've barely scratched the surface of what in means to follow Christ. To use a biblical metaphor: if a follower of Christ is one who picks up his cross to follow Christ, then I have been carrying around a hiking stick. Oh, it's useful. It's help keep me steady and on the right path but it is nothing that would cost me my life.
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